Aww. How sweet of you to care about your friend! 

This question is super vague. It could be about anyone! So we need to consider how diverse the disability community is. Perhaps it’s an autist on the verge of a meltdown. Maybe it’s a person with an invisible disability and in a lot of pain right now. It could be a new amputee or anything else.

Most important thing: Don’t Assume. 

Don’t assume that they can’t do anything. Don’t assume that they know everyone with the same disability. People in wheelchairs can become amazing athletes. Deaf people can be musicians and speakers. Blind people can make art. Break those biases now. 

When in doubt, Ask.

If you find yourself thinking “They can’t do that,” ask them! This may look like “Hey, me and some friends are going to a concert at a bar tonight. It’ll be busy and kind of loud, but would you like to go?” If anything, they would love to be invited. Asking could also look like “Do you need help with that?”, “How can I help you right now/through this/feel safe now?”. Rather than grabbing someone’s wheelchair and pushing them, ask if they need the help first. And respect their response. You don’t need to coddle them. We aren’t children. We can answer your questions.

You are Not A Disability Police Officer

What I mean by that is you can’t dictate what they can or can’t do. In particular, I’m thinking about food. “You can’t eat that!” We, as disabled people, know our bodies better than you know our bodies. Even if you are an expert in our disability, we are experts at experiencing our disability. We can make decisions for ourselves. I can almost guarantee that we’ve weighed the pros and cons to making that decision before taking action. 

Get Educated!

You have made a great first start! I’m assuming you found this through a Google search! This post is quite vague, so perhaps educating yourself on the specific disability can help. I have fibromyalgia, and it’s one thing to read all the science about it, but it’s another to see how it’s lived. I did some Google searches for myself first, but then I checked out Reddit and TikTok to see how these people really live and where they struggle. Then I compared it to my own experience. It showed me that I’m not alone in my struggles, but also that the experiences others have is so diverse.

In conclusion, your friend is the best person to ask this to. They know where and how they need help. And it’s totally okay to ask if they need help or how they want help. Disabled people still need the autonomy to move and make decisions for themselves. We are people. We are adults. We just need some help sometimes.