So, you’ve been diagnosed with autism (or did your research and strongly identify with the autism community and are self-diagnosed, you’re valid too!). What now?

First of all, welcome 😊

Now let’s talk about what’s next.

You don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to. This isn’t like a cancer diagnosis. Nothing has changed and nothing has to change. You’ve been this way your whole life, it’s just a term to describe your experience. This is probably the most stressful part. I had a friend recently reach out saying “How do I tell my family this? How will they take me seriously about this?”.

My recommendation to them and to you is to explore this side of yourself first. Figure out why you act the way you do. Maybe you have to arrive everywhere 10 minutes early to avoid schedule changes due to lateness. Maybe you grow irritable in busy environments like shopping and restaurants. Understand that these things are just part of you. You can choose to avoid the things that stress you out. You can accommodate yourself through it. You can delegate it, ask for support, create a system and reward yourself. Whatever you need to do. When you start making space for your unique needs, you may find you are more confident. When I began accommodating myself, there was a huge difference in my approach to life. I could enjoy things more without the looming stress. I didn’t have to leave events early anymore because I had the mental bandwidth, tools, and coping skills necessary. Also, I started to drop the mask.

Mask? COVID’s “over” we all are dropping the mask.

Masking is the term used when an autistic or neurodivergent person tries to behave typical. This may mean hiding or suppressing your stims. It might mean mimicking facial expressions and tone in your voice to match the people around you. Conscious or not, masking is exhausting. Masking your autism is like taking morphine to run a race on a broken ankle. Sure, you did it! But at the cost of your physical health. In our case, at the cost of your mental health.

I dropped the mask and, to me, that means I can stim in public. I wear my noise-cancelling headphones or my earplugs proudly (shout out to Loops Earplugs, my go-to!). I advocate for my needs and delegate simple things to accommodate me. For example, my partner often asks me to take the trash out at a certain time. Instead of “shoot let me write that down” or the often-unreliable “I’ll remember!”, I now say “Hey, can you text that to me so the next time I look at our conversations, I see it and remember?”. That’s advocating for your needs and delegating. It takes him little to no energy to type that out. And every time, it worked.

When I came out as autistic to my mom, she was commenting about how confident and happy I’ve been lately. My home looks great, there are practical tools all over (calendars, white boards, goal charts), and I was happy and not exhausted. That’s when I told her. She needed some convincing.

“Hey, when we leave on road trips, what happens to me when someone eats their breakfast too slow or doesn’t have shoes on at our departure time?” Lightbulb.

“Hey, remember when I went off to college and you went around my dorm building trying to make me friends because I’m not very good at it?” Lightbulb.

“Remember how I used to chew on everything, even in middle and high school?” Lightbulb.

As I went through life post-diagnosis, I realized a lot of things I did or still do were autistic tendencies. Over time, as I realized exactly what bothered me, I was able to accommodate myself and get things done. I realized I never replace the trash bags because I hate the smell (and the scented are not any better). I super duper plan for the grocery store because it’s too loud and I want to be in and out quickly. I get a snack every single time I do something medical. Because otherwise, I will get scared and cancel or no-show. Or be miserable and unable to continue with my day.

If you are on this journey, you are valid. You are not a label or a statistic, but rather, you are armed with information that allows you to give yourself grace. Stop comparing you and your productivity to others. To typical people. Because if they had to spend a day experiencing the world the way you do, they wouldn’t be able to handle it as well as you do.

This is permission to accommodate yourself. Figure out what you need and get it. You can’t change the world around you, but you can change how you approach it. You deserve to be happy.